It’s my Fake Birthday Party and I’ll Cry if I Want to

The big news of this weekend was my birthday. Now, if you are confused because you thought my birthday was in July, I’ll explain. My birthday IS in July, but I won’t be here in MS to celebrate it so my roommates threw me a surprise birthday party this weekend. It was all staged very well and I had no idea it was coming, obviously, because my birthday is not for another month and a half. I was shocked for a minute coming in the door, and then I was crying- partly out of emotion, partly because I hadn’t showered that day and was in sweat shorts and a gross T-shirt. It was a great party, though, with lots of food and games and was followed with dancing (for which I showered and put on a pretty dress.) Thanks so much to everyone who helped plan this event!

Today is an interesting day of reflection for me. 3 years ago today my cousin and his family were killed in an accident in Colorado. 1 year ago today I graduated from Emerson College on a cold and rainy day with some words of wisdom from John Kerry. I’m not sure if I can say yet just how profound these two events have been in my life or how they have changed me. The news of the first event came suddenly while I was standing outside a Fuddrucker’s in Hershey, PA. It came somewhat in the middle of a year, which shook up all my notions of what was right and fair in the world. While this event certainly stands alone in my mind, I also can’t detach it from Ron’s death 7 months before or Owen’s life, which started two weeks after. 3 years later, I think what I have seen is the grace we’re given, grace that allows us to heal, create new life, rebuild, and get married without our best friend at our side.

The other event associated with this day was long awaited and very much expected. Since I had been officially out of school since December, though, I don’t know that I took the opportunity to really enjoy the day. Unfortunately, our society doesn’t really provide us the chance to celebrate this accomplishment, which while agreeably becoming more and more common is nonetheless still difficult. If I remember correctly, I had dinner with my family that night and got up and went to work the next morning. In 8 weeks I will start another phase of school. When I finish, I will have spent 21 years of my life in a classroom. I am having very mixed feelings about this. On the one hand, I’m very much just wanting to start a career, to feel settled. On the other, I strongly feel that there is so much good just in the education itself- in sharing ideas, in peaceful discussion, in opening our minds. Part of me feels like I could just go to school forever without ever having a career, and I don’t think that would be unpleasing to God (probably unpleasing to my savings account and to my parents, though). I guess I’m just hoping that I am in more of a position now, after a year and a half off, to enjoy the blessings of structured education. Remind me of this in a year.