Nobody said it was easy, no one ever said it would be so hard.

I just got out of a two and a half hour meeting with my teammates addressing the fact that the Disaster Recovery office is essentially crumbling around us. Tons of people at different churches and volunteer sites are planning on or have already left, our bosses seem to have a hard time giving direction, there are no resources, and we are finding that the expectations we had coming down here in no way meet the reality of the situation. For example, we were told there would be no more short-term volunteers at this site after the summer and they have teams scheduled all the way through the winter. We were told that we shouldn't need cars but if we brought personal vehicles they would never be used for work purposes, yet all I drive is my car and I haven't seen a dime of reimbursement for gas. It just seems that while they were excited to get all of us, they weren't really prepared for it. Top that off with one very dramatic personality who is known to blow things out of proportion at times and you have chaos.

I feel that I am faring well in the situation. I basically do my own thing and don't ask for guidance or permission. The flip side of that is, I feel very alone in the work I'm doing. My bosses don't really check in with me so there is no one to bounce ideas off of. I'm trying to discern how much is an honest lack of attention and how much is me just saying "Well I can do it on my own to hell with everyone else."

Other people in the group are REALLY upset. They've been told that they are supposed to do a job but when they try aren't trusted with vehicles or the know-how. Trust was a big word that came up tonight. Our bosses are also in a really stressful place themselves and we're trying to honor and help that situation while also feeling like we're not supposed to be fixing that, they are and that's why they're the bosses.

It's complicated and there is no easy solution and someone's feelings will get hurt.

On the positive, sunny side, Andy's Club (the after-school program) has grown by 50% in just one day...which means we now have 3 kids. Yesterday was a good day, but I sense already some testing of boundaries going on. I'm trying to balance discipline with appeasing them so they continue to come. Whenever things start to feel rocky, I promise pizza and field trips and they love me again.

This weekend we're supposed to visit friends in Houma, Louisiana but there might be too much drama to go. I really want to visit though because the Cajun culture there is supposedly great and fascinating, and delicious.

In rambling other thoughts, I'm realizing that post-college, I'm greatly missing the many different activities I used to be involved in. Not so much the activities themselves, but the diversity in my day. That's why I really hope to do a play or volunteer somewhere outside of this so I can feel like I have a life that isn't 100% in Handsboro. I want to feel like I live in Mississippi not like I live in the church which happens to be in Mississippi.

Lots of Love!